My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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