i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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