Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
