VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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