Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
