he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
