I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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