Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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