and you said cock pushups were impossible
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
