What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
