Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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