just tell him i said nine months
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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