I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
