What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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