Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
