I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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