ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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