Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
