Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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