Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
where are my eyebrows?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
