u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
