god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
