No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
