were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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