Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
