My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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