So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
