His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
