Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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