I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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