I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
