My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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