Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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