I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
