This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
