just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
