tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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