I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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