ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
