i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
