I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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