You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
