Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
