My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
