i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
