Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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