singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
