You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
