i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
honey bunches of taint.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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