Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
