I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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