I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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