Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
