So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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