I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
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