I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
