she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
