Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
