remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
