between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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