my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
