garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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