could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize