I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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